12/31/10

I got home from work last night and hopped on my computer, but only made it until about 9:45 pm. I had planned to stay up later, but couldn't make it. I like to stay up late on nights that I don't have to work the next day. Guess since I woke up so early, I was tired. I ended waking up at noon today. Got something like 14 hours of sleep. I guess I needed it or I wouldn't have slept it. That is a long time though.


When I got up of course I got on the computer and went to MDJ and read and commented on the discussions. There were a lot of them. That took me probably a couple of hours. Last night I posted some statistics about bipolar and got some comments on it. They were all positive too. I like it when that happens. People actually pay attention to my bipolar posts sometimes. I think more people actually do, they just don't comment. A lot of people are too ashamed to admit they have bipolar. I bet some of my friends on facebook do have it that I grew up with. I just don't know it because they choose to hide it. That's okay though. That is their choice. I just choose to be open with my illness and to try to educate people. 


Nat called me today and she talked to me for awhile earlier. Mainly about her trip to Amy's. She stayed the night and Amy didn't freak out on her. Nat is my oldest sister, and Amy is my sister younger than her, but older than me. She ended up calling me back this evening. She was drinking Cabernet tonight, so it sounded like she had a buzz. She put on her music, but I finally got her off the phone. I'm sure she will call back yet again close to midnight to say happy new year to me. I hope that she doesn't talk too long though. 


B called me and I will go over there more than likely on Sunday afternoon for a visit. I haven't seen him in like 2 1/2 months. He's my boyfriend, we just have that weird relationship. He's been missing me though, I can tell. We pretty much do our own thing. He plays World of Warcraft and I am on my bipolar support group all of the time. I will make an effort to spend more time with him though. Maybe that could be my resolution. 


I got some bipolar pamphlets in the mail yesterday. I got 5 for bipolar and a bunch for pediatric bipolar. It's educational I guess so I can hand out to people or put on billboards in laundromats and stuff like that. I am a member to a group called Pediatric Bipolar Awareness. It's a great group. It tries to raise money for advocating the cause of pediatric bipolar. It's a good cause in my opinion. It's hard to diagnose in children. The more people know about it the better. Knowledge is the best way to inform people. I try to read up on things and inform through facebook. I don't really have anywhere else to inform people. 


I think I will probably be up late tonight. I can feel it, but I will be kept busy on my support group. I have diaries to read and posts to reply to. I also have facebook to check in on. It's a new year at midnight and I hope 2011 is a lot better than 2010. I don't really have any resolutions. I never really do. The diet ones never get followed through with, so I never make those. I just want to be happy and help people. I guess that can be my resolution. Well, Happy New Year!!

11/30/10

It's Thursday, but it's Friday for me. I'm pretty happy about that. I get to stay up late and sleep in tomorrow. I got up pretty early today. The alarm went off at 4:30 and I got up at 4:50. Took me a shower and got ready and got to work at 6:15. Marilyn and I were the only ones there for awhile and it was nice. It was freezing this morning though. Only 34 degrees.

I'm kind of taking it slow today at work because I have been slammed all week. I can do a lot on Monday since I don't have payroll to work on. Mark isn't going to be here though and I'm going to have to take all orders though. That's going to make me a little bit busier. I'll probably be spending a lot of time in the molasses office doing that stuff.

Been feeling pretty good, but when I answer the phones on the receptionist's breaks and lunch I get pretty damn irritated with the ring of the phone. The number of times it rings too. I'm trying to get something done while I'm up there and the damn phone keeps ringing. It's quite annoying. Other than that my mood has been pretty good.  I like it when it's good and I've been very lucky to have been stable for a year so far. A lot of people don't get that so soon after they are diagnosed.

MDJ is pretty much caught up. They are starting to post again I see, so I will get that caught up. I've taken a liking to the new significant others bipolar group. They are supposed to be better than the other one and they welcome bipolar people in there with them. They like to get views from both ends of the spectrum. I really love the site, it's very good and it's also very rewarding to me.

I am supposed to go over to Nat's this weekend sometime. She wants to start a facebook, but wants it to be totally private. So private that when someone searches for her, her name does not come up. I told her I'd do my best. She fought for a long time against having one because she didn't want to open up a can of worms. She didn't want to get in touch with old friends. She figures she could only add family and close friends and deny the other people if they find out she has one. So, I guess we are going to set her up with one this weekend.

There are two girls at work that talk nonstop all day long. It really gets on my nerves. I don't know how they get any work done. When other people need help they don't offer to help either. They just carry on with their bad selves. Sometimes I have to plug my ears with kleenex just to do my work.

After work I think I will just go home and veg out and get on my computer. I get paid tomorrow, so this is a good thing. I get to pay bills. Woo hoo! Yeah right! As soon as I get the money, it's basically gone. That's my life though. I don't have anyone to help me. I live alone. I still need to call TJMaxx and get that second charge back on my card that they charged me for that night I bought stuff from them. That pisses me off. They better not give me any shit either. Well, till later, see ya!

12/29/10

Woke up today late. I think it was like 7:00. That is way late for me to be getting up. I rushed around and got ready then left around 7:40 and hit the road. I ran into some traffic on the way because there was an accident, but the accident wasn't the one that was holding everyone up, it was the gawkers that was. People just can't drive by. They have to slow down and check everything out. Annoying!

I wasn't too late though getting to work. I got there at 8:05. I was busy all day. I worked on my payroll. It filled my whole day because I didn't get a chance to organize them yesterday because I was so busy doing the molasses stuff. So, I just basically did that today. I wasn't rushing though because I am tired of rushing this week. I've been doing that everyday. It's been giving me a headache. I can't be stressing myself out. I don't want to have a bipolar episode, so I will keep myself healthy.

After work, I went to CVS and dropped off a prescription to be filled and waited for it since I had 4 other ones to pick up. I browsed the store. It was pretty boring since it took like a half an hour for them to do my prescription. I bought a back scratcher though that I found while I was browsing. I've been needing one of those. Finally, my name was called and I went to get all of my prescriptions. With it all together it was about $120.00. Too much money!!! I gotta do what I gotta do though. Came home after that, got my tea, and of course am on my internet.

Tomorrow is my Friday because it's New Year's Eve on Friday. I get the day off from work. I'm happy about this. I get to relax. I am supposed to go over to my sister's this weekend one day and help her set up a facebook. She wants it as private as it can be, so I'm going to try to make it that way. She refused to get on it for the longest time. Now though she wants to. She goes back and forth with it. She wants to now so she can monitor her daughter more than anything. So, that is one thing that I will be doing this weekend. Hopefully will get my hair cut too. 

I finally got to talk to my friend from MDJ on chat. He was MIA for awhile. Guess he had some things to do. It was nice to chat with him. I think him and his wife are getting along better now, so that is excellent. I try to help him with that by giving him encouraging words and listening to him. We pretty much just bullshit though and make each other laugh. I'm not much of a chatter. I don't really have many people to chat with though actually. I guess I would chat more if I had some people to chat with. 

Well, guess this is it for me. I'm just heading to MDJ to check on journals and posts and see what's going on there. I have to take my medications and then will probably go to bed at a decent hour tonight and hopefully wake up early tomorrow. No more of this waking up late shit. It's pissing me off. I like to get to work early so I can relax for a bit before I go to work. 

12/28/10

Tuesday is here and there are two more days to the workweek. Busy week for me since we aren't here on Friday. I've got payroll tomorrow and Thelma isn't going to have one driver to me until the morning. At least I have all the other drivers I can get organized and ready to enter into the computer tomorrow. I may have to work overtime. 


Didn't get to work early today. I thought about it, but I had a gynecologist appointment at 8:00 this morning and didn't want to drive all the way to work, to the appointment, then back to work. Seemed pointless to me and wear and tear on my car for no reason when I can just go in late. So, I just went in late. Got there around 10:00. I had to get labs done too that's why it took so damn long. Plus I had to wait 45 minutes to get in to see the doctor. A pain in my ass. I hate to wait. 


Whew, been very busy on the molasses stuff. Some of it I didn't understand on the barges we receive in and sell out, so I had to call Emily, the one I'm taking over for. She walked me through it, but not very thoroughly. I now have a headache because I have been working on that stuff for so long. I had to have a coworker give the receptionist a break because I was so busy. I usually give the receptionist her breaks and lunch on top of what all I do too. So, just a busy day. Tomorrow will be too since I have payroll to do plus the molasses stuff to do. Oh well, at least I have a job.


Tonight I'm going to go home and veg out. I'm waiting on one prescription to be filled, then I will go get them all. It's going to cost me $110.00 for 4 of them. I just got prescribed Rezerem and that one is going to cost me $40.00 a month! Yikes. It's for sleep. So, in all, I pay $120.00 a month for my prescriptions with insurance. That will go up though because my insurance plan is changing. The generics are going from $10.00 to $15.00 and the brand name from $25.00 to $30.00. That's another yikes. Oh, the world is so revolving around money. I don't like it one bit. I don't have a lot of it that't why. 


I've got to try and get to work early tomorrow so I can make a dent in all of my work. This is just piling up on me. I'm getting overwhelmed. Of course I was receptionist the last two days and that really screwed me up because I couldn't do my regular job but bits and pieces. I really needed to do some major stuff, but couldn't do it from the receptionist's desk. I guess I'll just have to grin and bear it for now. Hopefully I will get caught up here soon. 


I'm going to try and get a credit at TJMaxx. I was in there the other night and they double charged my card. I saw this on my account when I checked it online. Damn people! Now I have to go in there and get them to credit the amount back onto my card. I hate this when people screw up. It's not like I have money just to throw around. Hopefully it goes smooth and I can get it taken care of easily. 


Went to TJMaxx after work and told them about the double charge and they told me to call the 1-800 number and talk to them. I guess they have a lot of people that were charged numerous times. Like 3 or 4 times. I bet those people are pissed off! So, I came home after getting gas with no credit to my card. Bummer. They better be quick about it though. It's not right that just because of their glitch I get charged twice. I called the pharmacy and all of my prescriptions will be done tomorrow, so I can go and pick them up. I like getting them all at once. The only one I get at a different time is my Topamax which is filled in the middle of the month rather than the end of the month. 

12/27/10

I tell you, I just can't win these days. Ingrid is out again. I guess she called and said she wanted to take another day off, so I am the receptionist again today. I don't have time for this. One of the reasons I don't like being up front for her is because I am chained to the desk meaning it's hard to leave 5 feet from the desk without the phone ringing. When I print my invoices I have to run down the hallway, grab them, run back and hope no one has called in that time that I have been gone.

I've been busy today. I did some work for molasses, but still have a lot to do. I also, since being up front today had to fold and stuff invoices and checks while of course, answering the phones. The mail is a killer, going through it and distributing it. Not my favorite things to do. I only have a half an hour to go though, so it's almost over. It's going to be really busy because it's the end of the month and everything has to be in billing and payable wise.

I need to call the girl on maternity leave about a couple of things that aren't working for me on transferring of molasses, so hopefully she hasn't gone into labor yet. The codes she gave me aren't working, so hopefully she has a solution to my problem. Such a learning experience trying to learn something new. Next week I will be really busy because my merchandiser will be gone and I have to enter all orders on top of my work plus my payroll. Should be quite an interesting week.

This morning I got up early. I woke up at 3:30, 4:30, 5:00, and finally got up at 5:30. Don't know why I kept waking up, but I guess I was wanting to. I dragged my butt up and got ready and got to work at 6:20 this morning. Early. I love it when I get to work early. It relaxes me and gets me going for the day. I was very happy. Didn't like the fog though.

After work, I should go by TJMaxx and show them my bank statement and get a charge refunded. I went there last night and they double charged me on the items that I bought. I will have to go all the way home though and get the receipt. Dang. Oh well. It's not like I have money to give away to the stores or anything. Well, better get going to get ready to get out of here.

12/26/10

Well, Christmas is over and it's time to start the New Year's events. I don't have any plans at the moment. My friend Michael is playing at a local bar, but am weary about going. There are a lot of cops out that night and a lot of drunks out too. I would really like to see him play though. He is a very dear friend of mine. This will have to take some thinking on my part to really decide if I want to deal with all that goes on on this night. If I don't go there, I will just stay home and avoid all of that stuff.


Today is a lazy day. It's 2:00 PM and I haven't even showered yet. I guess I better get on that. I know it will make me feel better, more refreshed. I'll even put some makeup on. I want to go get some hair product and then am supposed to go to my boyfriend's house. I don't really feel like it though. I would much rather just stay at home where it is warm and comfortable. I've been here for three days not even leaving the house so far. It's been really nice. 


My sister Nat called this morning and said she had a nice time at her Aunt's yesterday so that is good. The sister, Angel, that I was going to go to yesterday said they had a nice time too. Well, I had a nice time at home myself. I stayed up until 3:00 AM just on the computer and organizing my file cabinet a little bit. That task is going to take some time to do. I need to get to doing it though because the new year is upon us and that means new filing year. I try my best to keep it up every year. So far I've been successful. 


It's back to work tomorrow, but I don't mind. I love my job and I am so thankful that I have on in this economy. A raise would be nice, but in time I hope that I get one. With all the extra work you would think that I would get one, but I guess it doesn't work that way. Oh well, I think I'm appreciated where I work anyway. Busy workweek ahead of me with the short week. I am looking forward to another three day weekend though. It will be really nice to have again. Do nothing weekends are fantastic. 


MDJ is a little bit boring today because of the holiday I think. Everyone is with their families and not posting much on the site. Maybe it will pick up later on. I just find myself bored when nothing is going on on that site because it's like a second home for me. I love to help people and it gives me such a warm and fuzzy feeling when I do help someone. I have a big heart and love to spread the love. 


I signed up on a website to become a pen pal to a soldier. I wonder how it works. I wonder if I will become a pen pal to many soldiers. I don't want to become overwhelmed though. I think it's neat that they have that. They get lonely out there fighting for our freedom. I would also like to send a package of things they need. Stuff like razors, eye drops, chocolate, etc. It would give me a good feeling. Companionship though, they need because they don't get a lot of that out there. Maybe they don't have family to write to or their family just doesn't communicate with them. It's sad that some don't have any letters to read. I think it's great when people pen pal a soldier.  Well, I will write a little more later on. 

12/25/10

Well, it's Christmas. Nothing going on today. I was going to go to my sister's for dinner, but decided not to with the rain coming down. It's an hours drive and didn't want to drive it in the dark coming home, so I just stayed home. It was very relaxing to do I must say. I slept in, not a worry in the world. Jumped on the computer of course and came to MDJ and caught up on discussions and journals. Facebook was hopping with Christmas cheer. 


I don't have a New Year's resolution yet. I'm very bad at keeping them, so I just might not make one this year. I commend people for following through with theirs. It's just so hard to keep the task at hand for me. I get sidetracked and lose my place then don't get back to where I was. 


My mood today was good. Of course, I wasn't around any people. Sometimes people irritate me. On Friday the receptionist was gone, so I was the receptionist. I did her job plus mine. What irritates me is the ring of the phone. Well that and the fact that I have to answer it. I survived the day though and got all of my work done. I'm a great employee. I didn't have to be the receptionist. We could have gotten a temp, but then I'm having to train her. I also have to come up and do the mail because she doesn't know where to put it and distribute the weight certificates that print out from the printer. So I would have had to keep going up there anyways. It's just best that I did it. 


Tomorrow is Sunday and I will probably sleep in again late. For some reason lately I have been doing that. It's felt wonderful though. I have plans to go see my boyfriend. I haven't seen him in a long time. We have a weird relationship. We hardly ever see each other. He does his own thing and I do my own thing. Anyways, we decided to spend some time together tomorrow. Just hang out at his house for awhile. He better stay off of that damn World of Warcraft too! He is obsessed with it. 


I think I will do a little bit of shopping tomorrow too for things I need around the house like hair stuff. LOL. I categorize that as things I need around the house. Right along with dishwasher detergent. I need that too! Maybe treat myself to a couple pair of pants. I did buy me some Uggs a couple of weeks ago and I love them. They are so warm and comfortable. They will also last me a long time. They better for $150.00. They are great though and I'm so glad that I bought them. 


I have a friend that I talk to online off of MDJ, but haven't talked to since Monday. I hope everything is alright. He's done this before. Him and his wife are having a hard time and I've been trying to help him out with this. I think when he's really trying with his wife he goes off the radar. It's a good thing, but then I'm missing a friend. Oh well, hope that is what is happening. At least that is a good cause. I want him to work it out so bad with her. They deserve to be happy. 


Next week is another short week at work because of New Year's. I get Friday off again which is nice, but it makes it a hectic week for me. I have to have my payroll done a day early and rush my molasses billing. Since I've been doing the new job on top of my payroll I have been busier. I like the new job, I just hope I don't do a bad job at it. I don't feel I was trained properly on it, but I am doing the best I can at it. I haven't had any complaints yet. 


It's 12:15 AM here in California and I'm pretty awake. I don't know how late I will stay up, but hopefully not too late. Last Saturday I stayed up all night. By 5:00 PM I was beat and went to sleep. I am very bored though. There is nothing going on at MDJ nor on Facebook. I guess I could check out DS and see if there are any journals to read and reply on there. I don't go to the boards there because I can't relate to them. Only on MDJ do I do that. I love MDJ. It's my second home. I love to help people and I get a great feeling from it when I do. Well, that's it for tonight. Off to find something to do!!

12/7/10

Mood today: Good. Yesterday went by pretty quick for me. Emily wasn't there, so I billed out some loads, did some transfer loads, and and an inventory transfer. Well, come to find out, we weren't supposed to do any of that yet because of the end of the year. Spent the morning yesterday fixing the inventory numbers. She should have instant messaged me to not do anything out of liquids. Oh well, over and done with. So, after work, I went home and just logged onto my computer. No one to chat with. My friend Kelly that I usually chat with hasn't been online in like a week. I wonder what he's been up to.

Today was a pretty fast day too. Did little jobs here and there. Checked MDJ online every now and then. I still couldn't do any billing. Now it's just sitting there piling up. It's going to be a lot of billing now if I can do it tomorrow. Thursday I have PN payroll to do. It's a lot to do in one day. Came home and talked to Nat on the phone for a couple of hours. On the computer as usual. Oh, I talked to my new friend on chat this morning. He is very nice and we seem to get along pretty good conversation wise. I always welcome new friends. He is nice to chat to.

Tomorrow is Hump day, so the week is half way through. We have our standard Diccico's lunch that the company provides every Wednesday. It's really nice of our bosses to provide this to us. We are very spoiled at our job. We even have a gym with a shower at work. We have snacks, sodas, and water provided for us too. I am so lucky that I work there and I have a job. My company Christmas party is coming up on Saturday and I am getting excited. I plan on having on having some fun. I will have some drinks and then probably head up to my room after watching some gambling. I don't gamble so I will watch my co-workers. We are having the party at an Indian gaming casino. Our parties are really fun. Well, that's it for tonight.

12/5/10

Mood today: Good. The week went by fast for me. I guess that's a good thing, better than dragging ass all week. Friday didn't though, but it never does. It's just because it's Friday. When I left on Friday I stopped by Foodmaxx on the way home and got some stuff I needed. I didn't really want to go too many places once I got home. I was supposed to go to a football game with one of my sisters, but didn't feel like it, so I stayed home. I was on the computer until 2:00 am. Headed to bed kind of tired, but I could have stayed up later.

Saturday I woke up at a reasonable hour. I think it was around 9:00 am. I was tired all day though and I can't figure it out. I was on the computer like I always am and then my sister Angel called me to say she and Jason and baby Skyler were coming down and they wanted to take me out for my birthday lunch. So, we called my other sister and we all met at Toledos. We had lunch, it was good. I had an apple martini to go with my burrito. Got a slight buzz, but one more would have been better. Hehe. After that, I went home to use the restroom and went to get my hair cut. Then back home I went.

My friend Michael was playing at the local bar Audie's last night and I wanted to go see him. I usually go to all of his shows. I was so tired. I laid down at 5:30 and set my alarm for 7:30, but I guess I slept through it because I didn't wake up until 7:30 this morning. I'm sorry that I missed his show. I really wanted to go to it. I have no clue why I would need 14 hours of sleep. That is outrageous. It cut a big chunk out of my weekend and that makes me mad. Oh well, I can't go back and do it over.

Today I got up because someone was instant messaging me on the computer. It was a friend from Hawaii. He is stationed there until the 20th of December. Then he is coming to California somewhere. He doesn't know where yet. He is nice, I have lots of online buddies that I talk to nowadays. I spend so much time on the computer that I've made a lot of friends. They are all from around the United States far away and some from different countries. It's weird how you can communicate with these people from all over.

11/30/10

Mood today: Good. Didn't write yesterday. I guess I was too busy. I got home late from work. I went in at 6:30 and did my stuff I like to do in the mornings when it's quiet like check my email and MDJ. I went in with Emily for training. Well, it's not really training anymore. I just do the work and she watches me. Seems boring for her to do. I gave Ingrid her lunch and went back in with Emily and we worked on more stuff. I recorded her doing some whey tank transfers. We got busy and we didn't get out of there until 5:45. So, I got home late. I think I was in bed by 10:00 though.

Today I woke up late. 7:00. I hate it when I wake up late. The traffic is bad and I just feel rushed. I got to work before 8:00 though so that was good. I worked on labeling my pn transport folders to be filed and then I remembered that I still had some fm trucking stuff that needed to be labeled and still need to be filed. I labeled them and still need to file them. I worked on some of Emily's stuff in the morning. Aaron, out computer guy put Office 2010 on my computer, so I like that. He also updated my Outlook so I can check my email online from home so that's cool. Emily had a meeting to go to, so while she was there, I did all the molasses billing. She came back and all was done.

I got out of work at regular time today and I was glad about that. I beat the traffic. I always leave at ten minutes to five so I can get a little ahead of the traffic. It usually works. Came straight home, couldn't wait to get here. I'm tired today for some reason. Guess cause I've been busy at work lately. Emily will be gone in two weeks, then I will be all alone in molasses world. The job I am taking over for her while on maternity leave. I just pray I do good in that position while I am still doing my job as well.

Joe needed a verification of child support the other day and I sent him three through my hotmail account. Today he said he didn't get any of them. It irritated me. So, I sent three more from my gmail account and I guess he did get those ones. I pay him child support for my son because he live with him. He likes it up there so that is where he lives. I had to write proof for something for his dad showing how much I pay him each month. That was easy enough or so I thought. I sent a total of seven emails of the same thing and it finally went through.

Tomorrow I am going to try my hardest to get up early. I have a lot of work tomorrow on pn transport and molasses. Statements are being ran on Thursday, so I have to get the trucking payroll in tomorrow instead of Thursday. My fingers will be tired from all the typing I'm going to be doing. I also have to do molasses stuff too. Well, I guess the day will go by fast since I have so much work to do. Thursday morning I will have to run reports for Marsha, me, and Thelma. Should be an interesting week for me. Better get to bed.

11/28/10

Mood today: Good. I'm awake. I'm awake since 2:00 yesterday afternoon. Yeah, long day, but I'm in good spirits. I slept till 2:00 in the afternoon, so I wasn't tired around bedtime. I was talking to my sister on the phone and on MDJ, facebook, and other sites. My sister finally got off the phone and an MDJ friend logged on and we emailed back and forth while he was at work until 4:00 this morning. So, I just decided to stay up and go to bed tonight and be ready for work tomorrow morning. Hopefully that works out. I will probably go to sleep early.

I went to do laundry at the laundromat today. Wrote in the car while it was being washed and dried. Nothing in particular. Just to pass the time by. Came home afterwards.  Been on the computer since. Now chatting with my MDJ friend on MDJ before he goes to work. We have gotten pretty close actually. Says I've helped him a lot and he is very grateful. I'm glad that I have been able to help.

I did get the dishwasher emptied and the little bit of dirty dishes put in it. I also swept and washed the floor, so the kitchen is clean. Got a couple of things accomplished today. Need to work on the bathroom, but that can wait. Back to work tomorrow. The holiday is over. A full work week is upon us until Christmas time. I don't mind though. I love my job and I'm grateful for it. Well, I think that's it for tonight!!

11/27/10

Mood today: Good.  Wow, I woke up at 2:00 this afternoon! So late. I went to bed at midnight last night, but I shouldn't have slept that long. I must have been really tired. So, I got up and hopped on the good old computer. Logged onto MDJ and answered some posts and emails. There wasn't much going on there, probably because of the holidays. Now it's getting a little bit busier.

So I'm talking to my sister again. I talked to her for two hours earlier and she is now back. LOL. I'm not going to talk to her for another two hours though. She called two of my other sisters and they were worried about me being home alone on Thanksgiving. They thought I might be depressed. She assured them I wasn't, that I took pills for that. LOL. That I just like to do my own thing. They know this from many past holidays. Guess they just forget.

My friend never came down today. Kind of glad though since I didn't wake up till late. Maybe tomorrow, but I have to do laundry. It's going to be raining too, so that sucks. I wouldn't mind having a couple of drinks though. I will hopefully not sleep in too long tomorrow.

11/26/10

Mood today: Good. Got to work at 6:30 this morning. I was the first one there this time. Had to turn the heater on, it was 59 degrees in my part of the office. I went around and turned all of the lights on and got the building warming for the day. It was so nice, no talking, complaining, nothing. Just me. Soon though, they started rolling in. It wasn't bad because all of the traders were gone. It was basically just the girls in the office. Did my work until 12:00, shut down the computer and was the last one out. Yay, the weekend is upon us.

I had to stop for some groceries and gas, then headed home. I have no plans on leaving the house tomorrow unless one of my friends from the mountains comes down to visit. If he does, we are probably going to go have a few drinks. That will be fine with me. I don't want to be gone for hours though. I like my Saturday of doing nothing. I have my routine of my computer time. I love my internet and spend a lot of time on it.

Lately, I have been getting brain zaps. I usually get them when I withdrawal from a medication, but I'm not right now. Weird. I will bring it up with my psychiatrist when I see him next. The only thing we have changed was dropping the Abilify by 5mg and that has been over a month. I don't know why I would start having a problem with it now. Strange things happen sometimes I guess.

I get paid on Tuesday, thank goodness. I hate living paycheck to paycheck. It really sucks. I barely make it because I have so many bills to pay. Plus I live alone with no one to help me. I could get a roommate, but where would my son sleep when he came to visit in the summertime? No, he needs his own room. I don't think I could handle one anyways. I take my privacy very seriously. A lot of people tend to bug me too. I'm just not a very good people person I guess.

Sunday I have laundry to do, so that is my plan for that day. I don't like doing it because I have to go to the laundromat. There is a small laundromat at my apartment complex, but I go to the big one to get it all done in one shot. I sit and write while I am waiting. I write about nothing in particular, just what I want about my day, in the future, etc. Gibberish I would call it. It gives me something to do while waiting for the clothes to do their thing.

I have a feeling I will be up late tonight, so I am going to prepare myself for it. Sometimes I just like to stay up late. Heck, I can sleep in tomorrow, I have no work. I keep updated on MDJ and facebook. I update my blogs. I make playlists, check other websites I'm on. I stay pretty busy on the internet. I don't get lonely really either being home all by myself. There are times, of course, but for the most part, I am totally content just being home alone with my computer. Guess I'll jump on MDJ now.

11/25/10

Mood today: Good. As I sit here on Thanksgiving Eve, I think of all my online friends in my support group called MDJunction. I have bipolar disorder, so I belong to bipolar support groups there. There are so many great people there with so many problems. A lot of them can't get their medications right. Some are newly diagnosed with bipolar and don't know what to think about this new world they have entered. Depression, mania, mixed. All of these are episodes people with bipolar have. The average person does not understand what it is like to go through these episodes. What hell it is to be so high that you think you are bullet proof, spend money you don't have, go into rages. So down into the depths of darkness unable to get out of bed, feel hopeless, and worthless. Society has labeled people with a mental illness "crazy". It's not true though. I'm sure there are some out there that are, but the majority aren't. Bipolar is treatable with medication. Take me for example, I am stable which means my moods are even. I don't have many ups and downs and when I do, they are not extreme like they used to be. They are managed by my medications. I live a normal, healthy lifestyle. When I tell people that I have bipolar disorder, they say "I couldn't even tell". Probably because they didn't even know what to look for. The public is basically uneducated about mental illnesses. All they are shown is what the movies or television shows portray. It's usually not a good story when you see it there. A lot of mentally ill people don't even get diagnosed because of the stigma. Many don't admit they even have a mental illness because of the stigma. They live in hiding about their illness. I don't. I will tell anyone. I don't give a shit what people think about me. I figure if someone is going to not like me because of my disorder, then they don't deserve me. I am a very nice person, one of the nicest people you will ever meet, and I would do anything for anyone. A lot of us are like this. All we want is to be accepted. The stigma makes it impossible for most people with mental illnesses. So I sit here, listening to acoustic rock on AOL music thinking of these people and my heart goes out to them. I wish I could take their pain away from them and put it all on me. I know I would be strong enough to take it. I hope everyone knows how lucky they are to have their mind in a normal state. I would not wish this disorder upon anyone. I wish people would help me kill the stigma of mental illness by learning about it and spreading the word. Someday.

11/24/10

Mood today: Good. Got to work at 6:30 this morning. I love it when it's quiet at work when I first get there. There was only two people there when I got there and they work in a separate part of the office, so I had my part all to myself. It was nice. Other people started rolling in around 7:15. I started on my payroll for the truck drivers because we only have to work a half day today. I gave the receptionist her break at 10:00, then finished the payroll around 11:30. Next I moved onto the Molasses billing. I think I finished that around 1:00. Got out of work around 2:00. So, I worked two hours later than I had to, but I got my work done. I get paid for it though, so I didn't mind one bit. We also get a half day on Friday. Makes the work week a little easier on us.

After work I headed to the pharmacy to pick up my prescriptions, can't live without them! Then headed to the grocery store for some milk and water and smokes of course. Then finally I got home sweet home. Logged on, got my tea and started chatting with a fellow friend from MDJ on MSN. Hadn't talked with him for awhile. It was good to catch up. One things though, he can chat for hours on end. Only lasted though for about an hour though till he had to go make some dinner so that was good. I checked in with MDJ and answered posts and emails so that was out of the way then got on facebook. I am also a facebook junkie. Thank God for the internet. I'm so glad someone invented it.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. My dad asked me to go to his house and so did one of my sisters. They both live an hour away. I have decided that I just want to stay at home this year. I don't want to make the hour long trip there and back. It's too tiring and I have to get up early to go to work. I'm pretty much a bah humbug person around the holidays too. So, they will probably be mad at me, but oh well. I will love to sleep in and do nothing for a day. It will be like the weekend for one day.

So, I think I will stay up late since I am playing hooky tomorrow. I feel like a kid again! Ha ha. No plans for this weekend. I always just stay at home. I have so many damn bills that I don't have any money left over to go do anything. This is my entertainment, my computer. I don't mind though. There are lots of people I spend time with on here since I have MDJ and facebook. I also have chat to talk to people too. I know it's unhealthy to stay home all of the time, but hey, what's a girl with no money to do, right? Someday I'll meet my sugar daddy or a really well to do boyfriend.

My boyfriend, well, I haven't talked to him since Sunday I believe. We have a weird relationship. I don't think we've seen each other in two months. We live in the same city too. Actually about 5 minutes apart. We just don't make the effort. He stays home playing WOW and I stay home on my computer. It works for us. We talk on the phone and text, but not all that often. Maybe 3-4 times a week. I know, it's strange. That's just how we are though. I don't know that we will last, but it works for us for now. We've been together off and on for 12 years. Well, off to visit cyberland!!

11/22/10

Mood: Irritable. Work went fairly well, but I found myself pretty irritable at everyone. People's actions, the smallest things were annoying the shit out of me. I hate it when I get like this. I grit my teeth, and try my hardest to make the feelings go away. I don't know what brought on all of this, but it's gone for now. Probably because I live alone and there are no people around me. LOL.

So, I took a sleeping pill last night and I didn't sleep very well at all. I woke up so many times it was ridiculous. My mind wouldn't shut off for some reason. I felt like I didn't get much sleep because of it. I finally woke up around 7:00, I usually wake up around 5:30. I was quite late at getting up I would say. Rushed around, then left for work. I did get to work before 8:00 though, so I wasn't late. I got on MDJ and checked out the posts. Didn't answer them all, I'd have to do that later on lunch.

I spent some time with Emily. We did some purchases and some transfers and some billing. After lunch I finished up the billing and then I recorded her doing some barges and some Stockton tank transfers for me to later reference. She will be going on maternity leave on the 15th of December. That is coming up soon. I will be on my own then doing her job. Scary though. At least I can call her if I get into some trouble.

11/21/10

Mood: Good. I know I have a lot of good moods, but it's because I am stable. I wouldn't say I am jumping up and down for joy, but I am level and things didn't go wrong that day. That is why I put good. I know my entries are very boring, but it's good to get things that happened for my day down on paper/internet paper so I can look back at it. It's just my everyday life happenings. I lead a boring life really. Sometime I have some excitement, but that's very rare. Now, if I won lot's of money, I would be jumping up and down!

So, today I got up at 9:00. I didn't want to, but I did. Yesterday I didn't take my Dexedrine because every once in awhile I have to take a holiday from it so I don't become immune from it. I woke up at 2:00 pm yesterday. Yikes. I guess I needed the sleep. I didn't even stay up very late on Friday night. So when I had taken my medications earlier in the morning, I didn't take my Dexedrine. I got up for awhile, got on the computer, got on MDJ and facebook. Then around I'd say 6:00 pm I laid down on the bed and fell asleep until 11:30 pm. I stayed awake until 12:15 am then went back to sleep until 9:00 this morning. I got plenty of sleep this weekend. I contribute all of my sleep yesterday to not taking the Dexedrine. This always happens on my holiday away from it.

What a waste of a day. I could have been doing a lot of answering of emails, replies to posts, answering to diaries, etc. Oh well, guess I needed the sleep for my body and mind. I could have been cleaning too. On Friday night I cleaned the kitchen. That was an accomplishment. I felt really good getting that done. It was a major mess. I still need to clean the floor, but everything is white and the dishes are clean. I've been neglecting my housework. It's hard because I live alone and no one ever comes to visit. It's a good thing because my house isn't very clean. I'm really going to work on that though. It's one of my goals. A little bit at a time, but it will get done. Motivation is what I need.

It snowed where three of my sisters live and my dad. One of my sisters lives in the city like I do. We don't have to worry about the snow. I am so glad. I used to live an hour away near my other family and I'd have to drive in that shit, and I hated it. I can't stand being cold. Here I have a heater, not a wood stove. All I have to do it hit a switch and there is instant heat. I love it. It only rains here, so I don't have to drive in the snow and worry about slipping into anything. I'm just all around happy that I live where I live.

I have so many damn bills every month and so many that I can't seem to pay. Mostly medical bills. I can't understand why when I have insurance that I have such high bills from the places I get medical things done. What the hell. Thought the insurance companies paid the whole balance. I always get bills that I thought were covered. I just got a procedure done called Essure and the insurance covered all but $800 and something that I will have to pay. I don't have that kind of money. I live paycheck to paycheck. I barely make it and it really stresses me out. I don't know what to do about it anymore. I think I need to file bankruptcy or something with my credit and all of these bills that I have going on in collections. I don't know what to do.

Well, it's back to work tomorrow. Emily will probably be back tomorrow and we can record the tank inventory process in Stockton that we've been meaning to do. I did some billing on my own on Friday. She is saying she will probably be leaving for maternity leave on December 15th. So, I don't have too long till I take over her spot. It should be interesting and hopefully not too hard for me. I still have to do my job and they will be adding drivers to my payroll that I do. I already have one driver added. I think there will be three more. This will make me even busier. Oh well, job security right? Well, better get back to my MDJ. Lots to do on there. Journals and discussions.

11/19/10

Mood today: Good. I am pretty damn bored tonight. Work was alright, but went by slow for me. I didn't have a whole lot to do. I got to work at like 6:30 am. I was the first one there. I just got on the internet and then ran the reports for payroll and applied the amounts off. After Ingrid's lunch, I went in and got the billing from Emily's desk and did that. She wasn't here today. Couldn't do any recording of Stockton tank transfers with the video camera.

I checked my MDJ early and throughout the day so I got caught up pretty early today. I have stayed caught up since I haven't had much to do at work. DS is even caught up but one journal that I need to read. So, that is why I sit here board. I have everything caught up.

Michael is playing tonight at the Revue. I would go see him, but I don't want to go to the Tower District and be all cold for a show. It would be really nice to see him though. He says there will be other last minute shows because of the holidays and he'll do two requests for me next time I go. That's awful nice of him to offer. Let's see if he follows through with it. I think I will request Undone and The World is Burning.

Angel invited me to Thanksgiving at her house. That was nice of her, but I really would just rather spend the day at home. I think I would enjoy that much better than running around driving an hour there and an hour back. It always wears me out. I have to work the next day too and I will be tired. I just want to stay home. Nat and I will probably do some kind of Thanksgiving on the weekend. She said that we could do that.

Haven't talked to B in awhile. He texted me on my birthday when I invited him to come out to have dinner with Nat, Fallon, and I. He declined because he didn't feel good. Said we'd go out another night. Since then, the 15th, we haven't talked or texted I don't think. We hardly ever do. We have such a weird relationship. It's like we don't have one and we are just friends. We don't act like we are together, but we are. I don't know, it's strange.

Well, guess I better look for something to do. I guess I could go wash the dishes in the sink. That's always something to do. Not something I want to do, but it does need to get done. My friend hasn't been online to chat with in like three days, so I have no one to chat with. Maybe someone will come online that I want to chat with. We shall see.

10/27/10

Mood today: Good. Today was okay. Got to work around 7:00. I got up at like 5:00 or so. I dressed up for Halloween today, so it took me longer to get ready for work. Did my eye makeup and that took forever. I was a goth chick. Everyone at work said I looked goth, so I guess I did a good job.

I finished PN this morning and ran reports and applied off amounts. Then I just played around on MDJ answering posts. There sure were a lot too. I couldn't get to them all though. I asked Emily if she wanted me to come in today or wait till Monday and she said wait till Monday. That was nice. Spent the rest of the day on MDJ and getting the folders ready to file. I put the payroll reports into Marsha's box and gave the sheet I usually give to Thelma in Thelma's box.

Came home after work and jumped on Computer. Been here ever since. My computer has been having a delay sometimes and it's annoying. I wonder why. Maybe I should ask B about this. He might know why. Didn't chat with anyone tonight. My friends from MDJ weren't online. Talked to Nat.

Tomorrow is my surgery. I go in at 8:00 and wait 2 hours and then they take me in for surgery at 10:00. I started kind of tonight and that is not good. If I'm on my period they probably can't do the essure procedure and I'll have to get my tubes tied instead. I really wanted the essure done. I don't know, maybe it was just a freak of nature and it didn't really start. Guess I'll see in the morning. I am a little nervous about the anesthesia part. I don't like getting put out. Anything could go wrong. I just hope it goes well.

I am taking tomorrow off of course. Friday I am playing by ear. If I feel able to work, I will go in. If I do get the essure done, I think I will be okay. Not sure about the tied tubes. That involves cutting. Mary is taking half day, so no one will be there to relieve Ingrid for her break. Melinda will probably do it like she does for me when no one is there. So, we shall see how I feel.

10/25/10

Mood today: Good. Today I got to work a little later than usual. It was about 7:30. I like to get there around 7:00 or so. I checked my emails and MDJ. Ingrid called in sick. Mary did the front desk so I could do my training with Emily. Emily didn't have me come in until after 10:00. We started on going through the papers. We worked until Mary's lunch at 12:00.

I took my lunch at 1:00. Went out to my car and wrote a little bit and then went to my desk and replied to MDJ again. Was ready to go in with Emily again at 2:00, but she wasn't there. She was on lunch. She didn't get back from lunch till about 3:00. She sure takes long lunches. I gave Mary a short break and went in with Emily. We worked on some more stuff and billing.

Got done with Emily around 5:00. Messed around for awhile then headed home. Just went straight home. I didn't need anything from anywhere. Got on my computer as usual and did what I usually do. Tomorrow I need to go get my blood work done for surgery on Thursday. I also have to take a pregnancy test. After that I will go to work.

I'm dressing up for Halloween on Wednesday. Should be interesting. I have all the accessories for my outfit I think so I'm ready to go. Now I have to concentrate on my makeup to see if I get it right for a goth person. Lots of black I believe. My skirt is short, so I hope no one says anything about it.

Am a little nervous about Thursday. I don't know if I like the idea about being put out. I don't have a choice though. I hope they can get the micro inserts in and me not have to have my tubes tied. That will be less recovery time for me. I'll just pray about it. I guess I'll find out when I wake up what they were able to do. 

10/23/10

Mood Today: Good. Woke up today at 12:00. Nat called me and woke me up. Talked to her for awhile. Got on computer and started answering posts on MDJ. Nat came by to bring me the $100 I borrowed from her. I have so many bills it's ridiculous. She stayed and we chatted for while. She left and I went back on the computer.

Thursday I went to see Dr. Lopolo at the Woman's Medical Group for my preop. I had to pay my $264 dollars for the procedure I am getting done. That is why I am so far behind on money. They moved my surgery up one day, so I am having it on Thursday the 28th rather than Friday the 29th. It's going to be at 10:00 am. I am a little nervous, but I hope that will go away. I will be put out, so it won't be that bad.

Tomorrow, I don't even know if I'm going to do any laundry. I may just stay home and do nothing again. It's nice to do nothing. On Tuesday, I think I will get my blood drawn and have a pregnancy test done at the hospital for the surgery and be a little late to work. I need to get PN done early because I will be having surgery. So, I will be rushing to get that done. Plus I have to train with Emily too. I hope it all works out good.

Last Friday I stayed up all night. I don't know why, but I was really tired by Saturday night. I slept in till 1:00 on Sunday. Then I chatted with someone from DS all day long. Seems nice enough. Just talked about everyday life. Stupid stuff really. Made the day go by fast though. I don't usually chat with people much. Sometimes people on MDJ, but that's it.

I guess I'm going to have to dress up for Halloween on Wednesday then, since my surgery is going to be on Thursday. Oh well, a couple of days early. I will probably just fit into society as just a normal everyday goth person. I kind of look like a school girl too with the plaid skirt and all. I will have a lot of black on though. I am looking forward to it. I have to get up early to do my make up for it. Lots of black on the eyes and pale on the face. I hope I doi it alright. We shall see. 

10/18/10

Mood today: Good. Monday, so the start of the week. Didn't do much in the morning today. After lunch, I went in with Emily. We did some purchases, transfer, and some billing. Printed out the invoices and then we were done by 4:30. The rest of the day I just checked out my email.

After work I went to Foodmaxx and got some food items. Came home and unloaded groceries. Hopped on computer. Nat is on the phone now and has been for about an hour. Caught up on MDJ and DS. Had my tea and cigarettes. Going to get ready for bed soon.

My surgery is in two weeks. I just want to get it over with. I wonder what they will end up doing. Hopefully the essure will work, but if not they will tie my tubes. Kind of nervous, but I'll get over this. I will be put out, so I won't know what is going on.

Halloween is going to be the weekend I get my surgery done. I am going to dress up gothic the day before my surgery. It's the day before everyone else dresses up, but that's okay. Everyone wants me to dress up at work, so I am. My skirt is pretty short, but hopefully no one will notice. I will hopefully be able to wear my silver labret and nose jewelry. It goes with the outfit and theme.

10/15/10

Today's mood: Good. Haven't written in awhile. I have my appointment for the hospital to get the micro inserts in my fallopian tubes on the 29th. If they can't get them in this time, they will just tie my tubes. Fine with me.

I'm learning Emily's job at work. I was really nervous because I don't know a thing about it. She has been showing me stuff for about three weeks now and it's slowly coming to me now. I am feeling more comfortable with it. Still need to work some more with her though. I'm not quite there yet. 

I've been on MDJ and DS a lot as usual. Helping people and commenting on journal entries. It keeps me busy and gives me something to do on the weekends. I don't do anything unless Michael plays. I really need to do laundry this Sunday. I haven't done any in three weeks. It is piling up like no tomorrow.

A couple weeks ago, Michael invited me to the Babylon to hang out with him. He played with Patrick the first set. Then he didn't have to play anymore. He didn't see me until later. It was hard for us to hang out though because everyone knew him and kept grabbing at him to talk with them. So, I was a little bit disappointed. Toward the end of the night we hung out a little bit. His girlfriend was there and she doesn't like me, so she makes me uncomfortable. When I left we said our goodbyes and gave our usual hugs and kisses and I headed home. 

I think the next time he plays is on the 5th of November at Audie's. My birthday is the 15th. I don't know if I will go to that show or not. I would like to, but we will see. I usually go to his shows no matter what. I think Sterrin is trying to put a wedge between us. I consider him a really good friend of mine. I like his company. 

It's 4:00 in the morning here and I can't seem to sleep. I need to go to sleep though. I just have a lot on my mind. Frankie's birthday party is tomorrow. I wonder if B is going to go to it. I don't think I will if he asks me. For one, I think I will be tired and another, I have laundry to do. I also like staying home alone. I don't know. The Fresno State game is going on tomorrow too, so he may want to go to that. 

Well, I guess I will see about checking my email. I'm still on MDJ. It's kind of boring because no one is online right now. There will be people coming online soon though since it's so late or early however you want to put it. I am pretty much bored. Then I will try to go to sleep. I need to get some sleep. Maybe I'm hypo-manic right now. I don't know.

9/22/10

Mood today: Good. Went to work early to work on PN. Did get a little done. Went in with Emily to train. Ingrid called in sick and Mary did the phones since I am training. We trained until 11:30 because she had meetings to go to. I worked on my PN after that and MDJ. Answered posts.

Called about my car and they found another hose that was leaking. $100.00 more for that part. So my car won't be done until Friday. I have the rental another two days. More money spent on the rental car. I don't know what the heck I am to do. Nat said she would loan me money. I guess I'm going to have to borrow it. I won't have that much money to pay for the repairs that are being done on my car plus the rental cars and my bills. I need to figure out what I need to borrow. I am not sure.

Went to get gas after work. I'm trying to get it as close to what I got the rental as I can. Came home and hopped on the computer like I normally do. I talked to Nat for awhile and then answered some posts on MDJ and journals on DS. I think I am going to hit the hay. It's late already and I'm tired. 

9/19/10

Mood today: Good. Well, nothing much going on today. I didn't have a car, so I couldn't go anywhere. It's not like I go anywhere anyways. I just stayed on the computer all day long. Mainly on facebook, MDJ, and DS. Stayed pretty busy actually. I actually did my dishes and cleaned up the table a little bit. That is progress in itself.

Tomorrow morning Nat is going to pick me up and take me to Clovis Volkswagon. From there I am going to go to go to Enterprise more than likely and get me a rental car for Monday through Wednesday. Probably cost me an arm and a leg. Spending all this money that I don't have. It's quite depressing.

Angel called me today and said I could use her truck, but if I were to do that, it would be a big hassle to get her to Clovis and have Jason follow her and then have me drive the truck up to Angel's and have someone drive me home when I was done using it. I think it's more work than anything. Just going the rental car route. 

9/18/10

Mood today: Good. I woke up and headed to Clovis Volkswagon. They took it into the shop and I waited until about 11:30, so two hours. I was getting impatient. They confirmed the leak in the hose. (Well duh, I knew it was there). They shuttled me home because they had to order the part on Monday and it won't be there until Wednesday. They said they would have it done by Wednesday evening/afternoon.

I called the guy awhile after I got home since he didn't call me and asked him how much it was going to be. He said $390.00 plus tax. That is fucking expensive for a couple of hoses. Shit! I can tell you I won't ever buy another volkswagon again. They are just too expensive to fix. So now I am at home with no vehicle to drive. Nat said she would take me anywhere I needed to go, but I don't really need to go anywhere.

I planned on doing laundry tomorrow and getting a haircut, but I guess I'll have to do that sometime this week. I am going to have to get a rental car on Monday. Probably through Clovis Volkswagon since Enterprise quoted me $45.00 per day instead of $25.00. I just want the smallest car they have. I don't care as long as it runs good and gets me to and from work.

So, I guess I'm stuck at home for the weekend. Manya wanted me to go out with her tonight, but told her I have no car to go. She didn't offer to pick me up, so I guess it's not that important to her that I go. Oh well, saves me money anyway. It's good that Michael doesn't have a show. I would be really disappointed if I had to miss one of his shows. 

9/17/10

Mood today: Good. Today Emily was at home working so she wasn't there to train me. I will be taking over her job while she is on maternity leave. She trained me yesterday, but I just watched her. I didn't do any of the work myself. I need to be trained well so I know what I am doing. I don't want a half assed training session.

I worked on PN reports for me and Marsha and Thelma. Lisa was out today, so Melinda covered for her. I gave Ingrid her standard breaks and lunch. It was a slow day. Fridays always are for me.

I went straight home. Hopped on the computer and had my tea. Nat called and I talked to her for about two hours. Exhausting she is. I finally got back on the computer and answered posts and commented on journal entries. Tomorrow I take my car to Clovis Volkswagon to have it looked at for the hose that is leaking at 9:30. I hope it doesn't take too long either. I hate sitting and waiting for things.

9/14/10

Mood today: Good. Woke up okay today. Got ready and went to Quest Diagnostics. God two vials of blood drawn for Dr. Lopopolo at The Woman's Medical Group. Last night, I got an ultrasound of my pelvic area for Dr. Lopopolo also. Got to work around 8:20 or so.

Had a meeting with Marsha, Mark, Emily, and I about me doing Emily's job while she is on maternity leave. I will have a lot of work to do. I also have to do the PN transport. So, I will probably have overtime. They won't like that, but oh well, the work has to get done. I don't know if I like the work that I will be doing, but I will have to grin and bear it. It's a job. It could be worse. I could not have a job.

I will have to do phones also unless it's too much for me. It will probably end up being too much for me in the end. I figure I can come in early and do PN transport and work on Emily's stuff during the day. That way I will have overtime. I think that would work if they will go for that. I think they will. Marylin comes in early to do filing, so why can't I come in early to do PN transport?

I will be spending all day Thursday with Emily. What a boring day that will be. Maybe I will learn a lot though. I will have to take some good notes. It will be a slow process, but I want to really learn it so I know what the hell I'm doing and leave nothing out. I will also do what Paige is doing, the billing for Jensen and Stockton. I am going to be very busy. The billing for Jensen and Stockton will be pretty easy for me though. It's just straight billing.

After work, I went to CVS and put in the prescription for progestrone and waited for it. When it was done, I stood in line and picked it up along with my Topamax. I didn't want to come back tomorrow. This way all I have to do tomorrow is come home. I've been on the computer mostly and drinking my tea. I'm actually just about to go to sleep. 

9/11/10

Mood today: Good. Woke up pretty late today. Around 11:00. I don't usually sleep this late. With all that went on yesterday though, I guess predictable. My legs are sore. Probably from tensing up during the procedure. 

Stayed home today and did nothing like every other weekend. Michael played last night but didn't go. It was at some winery. Probably uppity people there. Plus I didn't know where it was and I was tired from the procedure.

I got on my computer and caught up on my MDJ and DS. Talked to Nat on the phone. Angel called to see how the procedure. I told her how it went a little bit, but then the phone cut out. She was at Redinger Lake. 

So, for the day, I didn't leave the house. Had my tea throughout the day. I should really get a book. I know the latest House of the Night series is out. Should go to Target and get it. B hasn't contacted me since Friday. Wonder what he did this weekend. Still need to think about what to do about him. 

9/10/10

Mood today: Good. Got up this morning and had standard, tea, cigarette, computer. Got ready to go. Nat picked me up and then we were on our way.

We went to Woman's Medical Group. I finally got called in. They gave me a shot, then sent me to the procedure room. They got me all set up for the Essure procedure, which is where they put a coil in each fallopian tube. Within three months, a scar forms around the coil and closes the fallopian tube preventing anything from flowing through the fallopian tube. This is a form of sterilization.

Well, they got me ready, opened my cervex and put the probe in my uterus to have a look. She was not able to finish the procedure because she could not see the fallopian tubes due to polyps on my uterus. She cut some of my uterus off to run a biopsy though to check for cancer.

We will have to do the procedure in the hospital where I will be asleep. If they still can't do it, then I will just have my tubes tied. I was disappointed that we couldn't just get it over and done with. Sometimes these things just happen. I guess if it is cancer, I will have to get a hysterectomy. That's a scary thought.

After I finished at the doctor's office, Nat took me home. I decided that I would go to work, so I didn't have to use the whole day for leave. Everyone was surprised that I came in. I was fine though. After work, I came home and grabbed Eclipse for Nat and some belly button rings for Fallon and headed to Nats. We visited for awhile and then I headed home again.

Wow, it's already 10:00. I have no plans for this weekend. Just staying home to save money. I need to get a hold of Volkswagon to see how much it will be to fix my car. I hope not too much. I will have to pray about it. I wonder if they are open on Saturdays. Probably not. Well, I'm off to bed.

9/6/10

Mood today: Good. What a boring day. The only two things I did today was to do a small load of laundry in my apartment complex and to go to foodmaxx for a couple of things. The rest of the day I spent on my computer mainly answering posts on MDJ and journals on DS.

I didn't hear from B today. Haven't talked to him since Friday night when he came over. Guess he's been busy. Who knows what he's up to. Nat didn't end up calling me. Amazing. She likes to talk forever on the phone.

I've had a relaxing three day weekend, and am glad I had three days off. Way better than two. I only have three days to work. On Friday I'm having my procedure done at 11:00 so I'm not working that day. I'm cashing out my vacation to get my hose replaced so my car doesn't leak out water anymore. I wonder how much that is going to cost me. I think I will go to the dealer for that. I hope they won't try to say something else is wrong with it.

9/5/10

Mood today: Good, but still a little depressed about car. woke up around 10:00. Got up and puttered around house. Got on computer and answered MDJ and DS posts. Got my tea and cigarette. It's Sunday, so I got my paper and looked at the ads.

Time went by, doing nothing pretty much. Pretty boring. I chatted with Charise on facebook for awhile and Crestwave on MDJ. Checked DS and MDJ throughout the day. I took a nap for a couple of hours. Got back on computer.

The computer seems to be my form of entertainment with facebook and MDJ and DS. They keep me pretty busy. I keep up with MJD and DS or they pile up on me. I fell asleep again around 8:30 and woke up around 10:00 and got right back on the computer. It's 11:30 now and I'm going to try and get some sleep here in a little bit.

I think I may cash out some of my vacation pay to get my car fixed. That's the only way I think I will be able to pay for it. I just don't make enough money to fix it. I don't know how much that will give me, but it's better than nothing. It has to be fixed so I have to do it. That's one luxury that I have at work, I can cash out the vacation pay. That means though, if I want a day off, I will have to eat it and not get paid for it. That will suck for me.

9/4/10

Mood today: Kind of depressed. Today I woke up around 9:00. Went to Shell and had them look at my car about the water leak. They told me it's the water hose going to the heater. They were going to charge me like $257.00 or something, but the part wouldn't be in until Wednesday. I don't have that money to spend. So, I won't be able to get it fixed till next payday more than likely.

I came home and got on the computer and answered some MDJ post. Now later on, I'm talking to Nat. Haven't watched T.V. in like a week or so. It's just something I don't want to do. The reason I am kind of depressed is because of my car situation. Not having the money to fix it. Just not having money period. It's just depressing. I know I can get through this though.

I need to go to the store. I am almost out of water and tea. I've been drinking a lot of that lately. I make tea and smoke my cigarettes. B is at the Bulldog football game tonight. I texted him earlier, but never heard back from him. Imagine that! Being sarcastic. Nat finally got off the phone. Been on for over an hour. We usually are if not more. Well, guess I'll answer some more posts and head to bed.

9/3/10

Mood today: Good. Work was boring in the afternoon. I finished the FM that I had. Only three guys have turned in their pay tags so far. I don't know if I'll ever get the other six. The rest of the day was internet and Ingrid's breaks and lunch. I also did some other work related stuff. Oh and I had to fold some statements. It was statement day. Mary and I always fold them, no one else helps us. Ingrid stuffs them.

After work I came straight home and got on the computer and answered my MDJ posts. Angel called and was having dinner at Sweet River. I joined them and had a french dip. Left about an hour and half later and went back home. B came by later and looked at my car, but couldn't tell what is wrong with it. 

I got back on computer and answered more posts on MDJ until i am tired. Now I am just going to bed.

9/1/10

Mood today: Good. Work was busy the first part of the day. I worked on PN entries. Got them all entered by 3:00. Then I didn't really have a whole lot to do after that. My car leaking water is driving me nutso. Every time I go somewhere, I have to fill it up with water. I don't know what is wrong with it. I need to take it to a shop and see if a hose is shot or something. I hope it's just a hose and not something bigger. I don't have any money.

When I went home I just went straight there. The last couple of days I have been having to go to the pharmacy to pick up pills for my procedure on the 10th.  Just going home felt good. Did my usual thing. Computer, tea, & cigarette. Staying up till 9:00 and going to bed.

8/29/10

Mood today: Good. Well, today is very boring to me. Woke up, standard tea and a smoke, computer. Shower, dressed, then went to do laundry. Finished that in about two hours and came home to do nothing.

Just on my support groups and email for hours and of course facebook. I even checked out myspace which I haven't been on in months. I think it's changed around a little. My home page isn't green anymore. It looks different to me. Standard white and blue. Boring. My profile page is the same though, so that is good.

Didn't talk to anyone today. Don't know what b is up to. He called me on Friday night when I was at the show. I called him back when I got home, but he didn't answer so I just left him a message and sent him a text. He hardly ever gets in touch with me. Oh well, life goes on I guess.

I wonder how my sisters are doing. I should call them to see what they are up to. Amy isn't in a good spot with me lately because of the way she acted with Nat. Angel is doing good I believe, she's got little Skyler to deal with. Julie is always drama with her loser husband. Dad I need to call to see what he's up to. I really need to visit him.

Tomorrow it's back to work for me. It will hopefully be a good week. It's payday on Tuesday, so that's always good. Something to look forward to. I get 12 days on this check. It's pretty much gone to bills and my procedure I'm having done. I just hope I can get all of my bills paid. Will probably try to go to sleep early tonight. 

8/28/10

Mood today: Good. I went to the show/magazine promotion last night and had a real nice time. Michael played and he did a great show as usual. He also has been playing with Patrick Contreras. He is a really good violinist. I picked up a magazine that they made, my friend Michael is part of that too. It turned out really well. It looks very professional. I guess they are putting them out everywhere even outside the USA? That's what I hear anyways.

When I got home, I was so tired. I haven't stayed up that late in a long time. I think I got home somewhere between 12:00 and 12:30. I made some tea, but didn't ever get it out of the microwave because I fell asleep on my bed. Shame to wast a cup of tea. Oh well, sleep is more important.

I woke up late today, like 9:30. I had my standard tea and a cigarette and then got on my computer and checked email. Then I did my daily MDJ & DS thing and answered posts. I've been kind of bored today. Nothing else to do but check in on the computer. I don't have the money to go out and do anything. It's already after 6:00. The time sure does fly.

Nat was supposed to call me. Maybe I will give her a call. The problem is, she stays on the phone forever. I don't mind really because she is my sister, but after awhile, it gets tiring. I have no plans but to do laundry tomorrow. I have to because I am running out of clean clothes. I didn't do any last week. Oh, I fit into a pair of my little sized jeans last night. That is a good feeling. I had a bowl of cereal today. I'm not hungry though now. It filled me up pretty good. I'm trying to fit into my clothes. 

8/27/10

Mood today: Good. Today is Christian's birthday. He is now 14 years old. He is growing up so fast. I can't believe it. Now he is a freshman, but his school in Idaho considers high school to be 10th through 12th grade. I guess he was having friends and family over for his birthday.

Work was good. Got the FM and PN reports and applying done. Sent FM to Tim, but it didn't go through. He has a new email address I guess since all of the changes. I don't know what is going on with them. Maybe I'll get a call from him tomorrow or Sunday.

Tonight is Michael's show/magazine thing at the crossroads. I wonder if Nat is going to go with me. I am excited that I am going to get to see him. It's been a long time that I have gotten to see him. He's such a good friend and I hardly know him. We have a friendly connection I'd call it.

When I get home, I think I'll do a little bit of relaxing and then take a bath. Then I'll get dressed and ready to go. I need gas and money, so I'll have to stop for that on the way. It should be a fun time. Mainly because I get to get out of the house. I never do anything, so this will be nice. I try to make all of Michael's shows, but that's just not always possible.

8/26/10

Today's mood: Frustrated again. Ingrid said she would be in about 12:00-1:00. She called around 12:00 and said shed be in in an hour. Then she called again and said she was stuck in traffic and said it wouldn't really be worth coming in, so I said to just go home. So I worked on my PN freight entries, plus all of the other stuff. Another exhausted day.

I'm home and did the same thing as yesterday. Got on MDJ and DS did posting and journals. Remembered to write in my blog. Didn't do it for two days. I guess I forgot. Anyways, I think I will get ready for bed and go to sleep. 

8/25/10

Mood today: Frustrated. Got to work early today. Ingrid is not here today. Her granddaughter is having surgery. I am up front doing the receptionist duties. I also had to enter all of the FM tags, my job. So, I had FM tags, folding, stuffing, mail, and sorting to do. Plus phones all day. The damn phones were busy all day long. I was exhausted after work. 

When I got home I got on the computer and finished posting on MDJ and writing comments on journals on MDJ and DS and then went to bed.

8/23/10

Mood today: Good. I had a hard time getting up this morning for work, but did get up a little earlier than usual. This is a good sign. I got to work early and checked my email and posted on MDJ. At 8:00 I got to work on my work for the day.

I worked on my freight bill, got them paid. Finished last weeks fm entries. Started organizing PN freight tags. Filed the folders from last pay period FM and PN freight tags. It was a busy day. Of course I was on the internet too.

Went straight home after work. No spending money for me. I am poor, so if I go straight home, I don't spend any money. Now I am on the computer. It's almost 8:00 and I'm thinking about having some tea and just going to bed. B has not contacted me since dinner last night. I will send a text tonight and see if he responds. I don't know what is up with him lately on not getting back to me. 

8/22/10

Mood today: Good. Woke up around 9:00 today. Took a shower and got on computer. About 4:00 I went to Foodmaxx and got gas. Then I met B at Cool Hand Luke's and we got some steaks. The appetizers were huge. I ate a little of my dinner but took most of it home.

Nat just called and and she is going on about Amy. She freaked out tonight on her. I think she has some mental problems. Maybe she is bipolar1. She snaps, could be a little psychotic. I have bipolar 2 which is a lot different in a sense.

It's after 9:00 and I need to be getting ready to go to bed. I have Nat on the phone though and she is upset about the blowout she had with Amy. Too bad that happened. I have to go back to work tomorrow, but I don't mind. When Thursday comes around though, I am ready for the weekend. I think I will hit the hay after Nat gets off the phone. 

8/21/10

Mood today: Bored, but good. So, I woke up around 8:00 this morning. I always go to my computer and check the email. I had a lot of new threads and posts on MDJ and journals to read on DS, so that took me a couple of hours to get through those.

I cleaned the kitchen a little bit and ate some cereal for lunch. I've taken to reading Bipolar Disorder for Dummies and I read a little of that. Kind of boring to read because it's the basics. I would like to read more in depth on bipolar.

Tried to call Nat so I could go over and visit with Selena and Sophia, but she didn't answer, so I just stayed home. She probably took them up the hill home and is staying the night at Amy's or something. I know she wanted to visit her grandpa and will probably do that tomorrow.

I'm back on the computer obviously checking in on MDJ and DS. I'm still hella bored, but hopefully this will keep me entertained. Maybe I will chat with someone here. It was kind of hot today, but not too bad. I hardly went outside. Just to smoke. Football is on right now, but hopefully soon there will be something more entertaining on that I can watch. 48 hours should be on tonight and I like that show. Will try to go to bed early tonight.

8/20/10

Today's mood: Good. Got to work early about 6:50 to check email and support groups. I printed out reports for the PN Transport and applied off the amounts. It was totally boring today. It's Friday that is why. Every Friday is boring and the day goes by slow. I was so happy that 5:00 happened.

I'm at home now on the computer again having my tea. I need to stop drinking so much tea. I put too much sugar in it, plus it stains teeth. I think this is my fourth cup today. I only had a piece of ice cream cake today and some almonds. It's Mark's birthday from work. He turned 60. He's feeling old.

Tonight I think I'll just hang out at the computer and watch some T.V.. I don't have any plans, no plans for the whole weekend really. Just to go by foodmaxx. That's not exciting at all. Maybe I'll chat with someone on MDJ or something. Smoke my cigarettes, etc. Nat will probably call. It's Friday night and she's probably having some wine and in the mood to talk to someone. I think I will try to go to bed early tonight to stay on a schedule. 

8/19/10

Mood today: Good. I got to work early around 7:00 this morning. Checked my email and support groups. I worked on FM Trucking today. Organized some, but input some due to Tim needing it done. Then he said he didn't need it done. Crazy guy. I was rushing for no reason. By the time 4:00 rolled around, I was ready to go home.

Came home after work. I haven't been going anywhere after work because I don't have a lot of money to spend, so I stick to home. I do need to visit Foodmaxx though. I will do that tomorrow or Saturday. I need water for my tea. I drink so much of it. It's better than coffee though.

Now I'm just on the computer like I usually am catching up on my support groups. They are fairly busy this afternoon. I think the Topamax is starting to work. It's a mood stabilizer, but it also has weight loss capabilities, so hopefully I will lose a little bit of weight. I gained 15 pounds in 2 months. That's a lot for me to gain. Well, I'm going to hit the hay around 8:30 tonight. I'm going to try my hardest to get up earlier tomorrow. I don't know why it's so hard for me to get up early when I go to bed so early. Anyways, I'm outta here.

8/18/10

Mood today is good. Worked on PN Transport today. Entered all of the drivers tags. I also organized them before I entered them for easy entry. It was a fairly busy day. The day went by quickly.

Caught up on my support groups. Some people on there are pretty bad off. I can only do so much though. I am a very long distance away from most people on there. One just wants to die. She doesn't want to commit suicide, but she wants to die. I told her she has a purpose here and it's not her choice to make.


B hasn't contacted me since Saturday and that bothers me. I have called him and sent him texts. He finally posted something on facebook about his phone downloading an update and then taking a shit. So, I guess he gets a phone on Friday. We were supposed to go to dinner this week. He also has an infection on his foot. So it looks like we aren't going. I will have to call him tomorrow.

Came straight home after work. I am tired today. Did what I usually do, got on the computer. I am tired, and it's 8:15, so I am going to hit the hay in about 15.

8/17/10

Mood today: Good with a little bit of irritability. Got to work early to check my emails and get on my support groups. Mary was gone yesterday, but she was back bright and early this morning. I guess she was sick. 

I worked on organizing the PN tags for entry tomorrow. I also labeled the PN folders and filed them away in the boxes. I was pretty busy for the day. I believe I have all of the FM driver tags for Thursday so that is good.

After work I just came home and got on the computer. Nat called and she talked to me forever like she always does with me. I finally got her off around 7:30. I think I'm hitting the hay early tonight. It's only 8:15, but I'm tired.

8/16/10

Mood today: Good. Work went slow today. I didn't have a ton of stuff to do that is why. The rest of the week will be busy, so it's good that I got a break. Mark brought a rooster to work for Paige. It was in a cage all day clucking away outside in the shade. Kind of funny to me. Paige has a bunch of chickens and roosters at her house. Her husband has them there for eggs? Homemade chicken? I don't know.

On my way home I stopped and dropped off my prescription for Topamax and picked up a few things while I was there. Then just headed home. Nat called me and we talked for an hour and half. That girl can talk on and on if you let her. It's just about 8:30 and I think I will get ready for bed. I hope tomorrow goes a little bit faster. 

8/15/10

Mood is good today. No one around me to put me in a bad one. Woke up and took a shower. Then I headed to the laundromat around 11:30 this morning. While waiting I wrote in the car and I went and bought a hose and plunger at OSH.

After laundry I went to AT&T to discuss my internet connection. They told me to unplug my modem for about 5 minutes then replug it back in and see if that did anything. I called the 1-800 # too. They said my connection was fine. After I did the modem thing it did seem a little bit faster, so maybe that did the trick.

When I got home, is when I messed with the modem, then I got onto the computer and checked my emails and answered posts on MDJ and ds. Said my sarcastic status on facebook and chatted with Charise from MDJ. I got bored after awhile, I always seem to. I had a bowl of frosted mini wheats for lunch. I'm not hungry now since I ate them late.

My friend Michael was on T.V. the other day playing some of his songs and a couple of covers. He is very talented. He is playing on the 27th and I plan to go see him. It's a big night because a new magazine comes out and he is part of it. It's on our town, so it will be interesting to me. Plus it will get to be a great show and I get to see my good friend Michael. He means a lot to me and it will be so nice to see him. 

8/14/10

My mood today was good, but really bored. I didn't do much today. I woke up and got on my computer. I'm kind of irritated because I upgraded my internet to the fastest speed and it seems to be the same speed as it's been all along to me. I'm going to have to call AT&T I think.

Nat called me and talked for about an hour. She has Amy's two youngest and they are staying the night with her. I really should have gone over to visit, but I just didn't feel like doing anything. I would have gotten stuck over there for a couple of hours if I had gone.

I watched a little bit of T.V., but was mostly on the internet. I never seem to tire of the internet. There is just so much to do on there. I have my support groups and facebook that I am always on and of course this blog that I try to keep up with. I think I'm going to try to sleep soon. I already took two naps an hour long each today. It's almost 10:30, so it really is time for bed!

8/13/10

Mood today was good. Quiet day at work today. I wasn't as busy as I was earlier in the week. I had more time to get to MDJ and DS. Checked my email early. So many posts early in the morning from the night before. It's amazing. I ran the reports for PN and FM. Then I applied them off in BOS.

After work I got some cigarettes and came home. I have my prescription for Topamax that I need to fill. I figure I'll do that tomorrow. I hope that I will lose some weight on it since I gained on the Abilify. Gaining weight makes me depressed, so I want to nip it in the butt.

I haven't talked to B today. Maybe I'll call to see what he is up to. My sister Natalie didn't call me tonight. I'm surprised. She likes to get on the phone and talk, talk, talk. Sometimes I just say I have to go. I can only talk for so long. I need to call my other sisters and my dad.

I'm pretty bored right now. Not too much going on. Just on my computer checking things out. Of course I have my tea. I seem to drink a heck of a lot of it lately. It's so warm and sweet. I think I put too much sugar in it, but it tastes so good. Well, I think I'm heading to bed early. Pretty sad when it's a weekend. 

8/12/10

My mood today was good. I was super busy at work. I entered FM today and there were a lot of entries. That took up most of my day. I barely got to check my support groups at all. It was hot, but not too hot for me. I'm cold blooded.

I got to work at 6:00 this morning because I had a psychiatrist appointment this morning. I went to the appointment and we added Topamax to my medication list. It's so I can lose some weight. I've gained 15 pounds in the last 2 months and I think it's from the Abilify. After that, I went and got some gas and returned to work.

After work, I went and got some cigarettes and came home. Pretty boring. Didn't do anything but go to my computer and drink my tea like I usually do. My sister Nat called and we talked for a bit, but that was it. B sent me a text stating that he was addicted to WOW again, so he must be playing it for hours on end. Heading to bed at 8:30 tonight.

8/11/10

Mood today is good. I was busy at work. I worked on PN today, entering and it took most of my day up. I checked in on my email and support groups here and there, but couldn't reply much because I was so busy.

Just came home after work and hopped on the computer. My sister Natalie called and we chatted for awhile. My niece is a cheerleader at her high school and I can't believe how much it costs. It's unbelievable.

I think I'll head in early tonight I'm getting to work around 6:00 in the morning because I have a psychiatrist appointment and don't want to use any sick leave. This way I always have to think about the future!

8/10/10

My mood today was good. Work went well. I separated PN and got them ready to put into BOS tomorrow. I need to separate FM to put into BOS on Thursday. We had a meeting on freight around 3:20 this afternoon. It went okay, but there was a lot of butting heads. I had to give Ingrid her break at 4:00 because the meeting went so long.

After work I came home and hopped on the computer and made some tea. At 6:15 I left for my psychologist appointment. We had a good session. Got a lot of talking done on my relationship and she got me to realize a lot of stuff. I am going to think about all of this and make some decisions.

 I'm going to try to hit the hay early tonight because I can't seem to get out of the bed early. I wake up, can't get out of bed, so I sleep longer. If I could just drag myself out of bed I would be alright. Hopefully tomorrow will be a day I can get up early. I have my psychiatrist appointment on Thursday and I'm going to mention Topamax. I want to take that because I could potentially lose some weight on it. I've gained 15 lbs since I have been on Abilify.