11/26/11

I got up early today. 7:30, weird for a weekend day. I knew that I had to go to one of my younger sister's for a late thanksgiving though. I was on the computer for awhile, then hit the shower and got ready. I was riding up the hill to the mountains where 3 of my sisters live with my oldest sister who lives in my city and my niece. They came and got me around 11:30 or so. 


I don't like riding with people because I feel stuck and can't leave when I want to. This was the first time I have let someone drive me somewhere in a long time. We got there and hung out for awhile helping Angel with the cooking. I think we got there around 1:15. One of my other sisters showed up with my nieces and we snacked on veggies and shrimp cocktail. Next my baby sister showed up with some food. There were tons of kids there because I have a lot of nieces and 3 nephews. They were all running wild. 


My dad showed up last. We were starting to eat Thanksgiving dinner when he showed up. He came just in time. Well, we all ate, then had desert and sat around talking with each other. They had a fire going outside, so it was warm when I went out to smoke. It was cold though if you got away from the fire.


We stayed until 7:15 and then said our goodbyes. Headed home and 45 minutes later I was home. I logged on the computer then laid down and fell asleep after I took my medications until 10:30. It's now almost 2:00 am. I'm not very tired because of the nap. Usually I can sleep, sleep, sleep though even if I took a nap.


I was tired as usual today, but while I was there, I felt disconnected from my family. It's like I can't really relate to them. I think it's just because I have bipolar and a different way of thinking. I just always feel the odd man out. I'm quiet a lot while I'm with them, I get bored and want to go home. I feel rude though if I leave only a few hours after I got there. It's just weird how I feel. It's the same with friends. I'm just happy sitting at home by myself. I'm an introvert. Why can't I just enjoy myself with everyone. I'm always so tense and ready to leave. It's frustrating and it bothers me. 


All in all though, it was a good dinner. The food was great and it was good to see all my family. All five of us sisters were together and it's rare that that happens because usually one of us can't make it. It was nice to have us all together. Now, if only I could just relax and enjoy the company of others. I don't know how to do that though. Maybe someday.